THE DELHI TRIP

Delhi.. the capital city.. the elegant pride of India.. As the plane landed i could feel my heart beat. As we picked up our luggage and moved out, we could see one smiling face and a waving hand which was Ambi's paternal side aunt Latha and beside her stood a lean figure with a serious unhappy face befitting a politician. Well that person i guessed was her husband. I had some idea about them from all those introductory descriptions Ambi had given me the previous night. Ambi's stout aunt gave him a tight hug. I was surprised to see Ambi in a single piece after that hug. Her husband who was a Punjabi said nothing and just walked ahead to fetch the car. I followed them as if a tourist who knew not the native language. Ambi's aunt was a nice lady though a big chatter box. She was a women of guts. That was understood because who else would in those days take courage to fall in love with a person from a different cast, and later stand up for her love against the whole family and thus force them into nodding consent for the relationship? Well !!
I seriously wondered how this lady could fall for a person like him ( Ambi's uncle ) who looked so serious and gloomy all the time. Later i learned from Ambi that this uncle belonged to a political family and was a very jovial person in his young age. But later seems his father, brother and his entire family was burnt to death due to some political vengeance and since then he has been so silent to the rest of the world.
The day we accepted their hospitality was just not the right timing. Aunty's only son Vinayak was leaving to London for higher studies that night. The house was full of relatives and friends who had arrived to bid the young lad farewell. Some how we too managed to accommodate ourselves in the house. Ambi's aunt was trying hard to smile and be cheerful with everyone though if observed clearly one could see a lamenting mother in silence. This was the first time she was going to be separated from her only son. After she married uncle, she had lost touch with most of her relatives back at home. After the ruthless disaster that occurred in the family she had lost that old bondage she had with her husband too. Vinayak was her only comfort and hope in life. I have heard that most North Indians hire a bai ( nanny ) to take care of their little ones at home and that these nannies were more close to the children than their mommies. But here the case was different. Latha aunty was very cautious about the A to Z that happened in Vinayak's life and that day he was gonna leave in pursuit of his dreams leaving his mom behind with a bunch of old memories until he returned.
I witnessed all the emotional drama that was going on in the house with no particular expression on my face. I hardly knew this people that i just couldn't walk up so easily and tell Latha aunty not to worry nor was there a gap when i could get familiar or comfortable with them. Latha aunty forced us to gobble up some thick " Aloo Paranthas " drenched in "Shudh Desi Makhan ". We somehow stuffed ourselves and went off to sleep in the room provided while the drama continued till late night.
I don't remember when Vinayak left home because by the time we woke up it was morning. I could hear some tinkling noise of vessels clashing together. Latha aunty was already in the kitchen getting ready for the next session of cooking. We didn't find time to inquire about anything that happened the previous night. We had to hurry up and get ready to go to the consulate. Ambi grabbed all the files while i noted down the directions and we rushed down the apartment complex to catch an auto. After all the useless bargaining we finally set to the consulate. For the first time i realized how polluted our country was. How badly we people polluted the air we breathe everyday.. It was summer and Delhi was terribly hot. To top it all we had forgotten to carry any water with us in a hurry. Somehow we managed to reach the consulate area. Initially on the way we passed by the Australian consulate and some other consulated and there were hardly anybody outside the gate. Foolishly i thanked my stars and thought that we were early birds and didn't have to face a big crowd.
My high hopes were shattered the moment we reached the Canadian consulate. There was a huge queue outside and seems there were people who were standing there since 2 A.M. in the morning. Our timing was nothing. We had no choice but to stand there at the end of the trail.
I don't know how or how long we stood there n the queue. maybe for 4 or 5 hours. The only time i remember standing in such a queue was when we used to visit the famous Thirupathi Temple in Andra Pradesh. people would stand there for a day or two even if required for a darshan of the divine image. But of course there we were sheltered and there were people selling beverages and snacks. Here we hadn't even a bottle of water. Our lips had become so dry that they almost started cracking and bleeding. Somehow after a long wait it was our turn. By the time we reached the front i started recollecting and revising in my mind whatever i had mugged up previously to answer the interviewers. My heart was thumping hard and my throat went dry even more. I was sweating thoroughly. What if something negative happened? What if i answered foolishly to any one of their questions? God knows. I have seen people sweat in this manner in the famous show " Kaun banega crorepathi " . My case was that if i lose " Kahan jayenge mein aur mere pathi " ???
Finally it was our turn. Ambi opened his file and i was hiding behind him. Those people asked him hell lot of questions. But luckily they didn't even ask me a single question. Either they were really confident about my genuineness or they felt that i was an ultimate dumb female who would faint if they asked me anything. Whatever it might be i just had a clean escape and guess what?? they approved our visa. Yes!!! We were asked to come back in the evening to collect the stamped passports.
By the time we reached outside the consulate it was late noon and we were badly fatigued and all that occurred to our minds at that time was "Water".. There was no good shop in the vicinity and we couldn't wait till we found one selling safe mineral water. So we settled for a sweet lime soda made in some crap water from a nearby local shop. Somehow any crap wouldn't have tasted
better that day. Happily we returned to Latha aunty's place. There wasn't anybody in the house. Both had left for work and we got in with the spare keys aunty had given us. Somehow we managed to eat what we had packed for lunch on the way back and rested for a while. We had to leave immediately back to the consulate to collect our passports. Yet another round of pollution and heat. By the time we reached there i was almost drained. The Chinese food we had for lunch wasn't helping me any better. My stomach was rumbling and my head was spinning. I managed not to tell Ambi anything. I thought i could somehow manage it. I was holding Ambi while i walked and he was talking to me.. I don't remember a bit after that. Suddenly there a a dark cloud in front of my eyes and i felt as if i was drowning blind.. Drowning into a deep slumber.. It felt so good.. Felt like i had no control over myself. Felt as if i was free from all responsibilities of this world. So peaceful. Is this how one feels like when death is dragging him away from this cruel cruel world?? I do not know.
I felt cold suddenly and i opened my eyes. I was on the floor and Ambi was splashing water on my face. There were people around me staring strangely. "What happened Ambi".. i asked "Am i dead?? " .. Ambi laughed "No.. you just fainted. are u ok? ". Ambi helped me get up. I had a two or three bruises because of the fall. Ambi bought me bandaid from a nearby shop and we continued to the consulate. We collected our passports. Ambi opened them. "Wow!! Visa for one full year !! I did not expect this." We were happy. In the happiness i had forgotten all about my fatigue. I wanted to go shopping to relax. Ambi said it was better to return home and take rest. But i assured him that i was ok and that i wanted to shop something for our parents before we left. Ambi finally agreed.
We caught an auto an went to the famous Connaught Place in Delhi. We roamed around and did some petty shopping.. some sarees and other stuff. The more i walked in through the crowd the more faintly i felt. But i didn't dare tell Ambi about this. I knew he would shout at me because i was the one who forced him into this. Finally my stomach started rumbling very badly and it started paining terribly. I just couldn't stand straight. At this point i had to surrender. I asked Ambi to catch an auto as soon as possible. Luckily we found an auto driven by a long bearded sardar. We asked him to drive fast. But the rush on the streets was so bad that he couldn't help. Finally i started feeling some pressure. My stomach had decieved me and i badly wanted to go to the loo. I was holding my breath and told Ambi to find me a loo before it was too late. Ambi somehow explained the situation to the Sardar and the nearest possible halt he could think of was the famous " Birla Mandir ". The logic was that if it was such a big temple with so many devotees, there has to be a loo too. Logic was right. There was a bathroom somewhere behind. We asked the sardarji to wait and we rushed in search of the destination. The loo was at the back side of the temple. The place was isolated, dark and scary. There was a small room with an asbestos sheet as roof and a broken door. That we figured out was the Loo. Ambi closed the door for me and i rushed in. It was when i entered that i found what mess i was in. Bad luck was following me all the way. The washroom was full of cockroaches on the floor. Till date i am a terrible fan of cockroaches. I would rather die than confront a cockroach. But as they say if there is a bigger emergency sometimes you somehow overcome your worst fears. So did I.. I had to. I just closed my eyes and rushed in and found relief within minutes. Huh!!! Even now my husband reminds me about the Birla Mandir incident whenever we hop in a Chinese restaurant.
After the bombing, we returned to his aunt's place. To polish my wounds they had bought Tandoori chicken for dinner. Wow ! I could really smell how lucky I was. Ambi had to relish the chicken while i watched helplessly. After everything we went to bed. Had to catch the early morning flight the next day.. Lights off !!

- Priya

THE BAIT OF FATE

So the big disaster aka "Wedding" was over.. Now the question was how i was gonna survive the next 4 years.. I thought my only option was to stay back and wait.. But then Ambi came up with another option which did sound adventurous but less practical. He said we could travel to Canada on a visit visa and camp there for 6 months. There he had this friend called "Manoj Patel" and family who according to Ambi was a real "friend in need". Seems Ambi and Manoj were great pals while he worked in Mumbai years ago.. Ambi's whole idea was to accommodate me in Manoj's place while he would travel between Canada and the U.S. on weekends. Meanwhile i was supposed to apply for some course in Canada and earn a student visa to extend my stay in the country. As a potential immigrant (person who has already applied for an immigration status) i was not even eligible to apply for a student's visa in the U.S. Such was the cruel "BAIT OF FATE".
Well... coming back.. I had no other door to flee and hence i decided to try my luck in this adventure. Both of us thus set to "Delhi" the capital city.. to apply for the visa.

THE FIRST NIGHT - MYTHS AND THE TRUTH

Coming back to my story.. My first night was an interesting experience for me. Don’t you worry.. I’m not gonna go into the details of who did what and stuff like that. It is plainly about certain interesting facts I learnt on my first night. Our first night was arranged in a certain five star hotel.. Ambi had booked up a honey moon suit.Usually orthodox family people are against the idea of organizing the first night anywhere outside. They say it is auspicious to begin the same in the guy's home. But the latest trend is to organize it elsewhere for a better environment and more privacy. Talking about privacy, i recollect a funny incident. As i said our first night was arranged in a hotel by Ambi. My father-in-law who is a strange charactered person insisted Ambi to book for another honey-moon suit in the same hotel for Ambi's sister and her husband. These people were already married for four long years and already had a kid. It seems she (Ambi's sis) could not enjoy her honey moon in any big hotel and so my father-in-law was trying to compensate for the same. Huh! And the funniest part was that my f-in-l also insisted Ambi to bear the bills of the second room as well. That is when i set the ultimate vivid picture of Ambi's family.

Well, coming back to my case.. As usual the scene was well set with a colorful ambiance of flowers and the fragrance of perfumed candles. Well ultimately it was like dressing up in an Oscar night gown for a wild expedition in the forest. Nothing actually happened.. In fact “nothing” actually happens before a month of trial and error unless you happen to be some Greek god incarnated or unless you were actually practicing all these years for this one day.

I don’t know why men actually carry the “fear” for performance before the first night. I don’t think any lady love would be waiting there in the bedroom with a score-sheet in her hands. Marriage is all about a commitment and willingness to share n try out all those ups and downs together. That one night performance is not all that’s gonna set your trend of life. I have heard many couples boast about how eventful and happening their first night was. Bull-Shit! Ask your best friend.. a fairly honest family man n he will tell you the truth.. At least if they don’t belong to the category of so called “Greek Gods”. Many men are all convinced by the trend of sexuality expressed in porn movies. They carry the whole ideology up to their bedrooms and that too on the very first night.. and the net result? You can guess that. So the pleasure solely relies upon the comfort level both of you experience before, during and after the bedroom episode.

Coming to dating.. There is a certain rule what every man is to follow least he wants to be slippered .. that “Thou shall not touch the divine body of a lady without consent”. Well not that her body is divine, but definitely to be on the safe side. When you are permitted to, all those rules of what is right or what is legal is broken. This does not include emotional torture to forcefully push a lady to consent. What I talk about is the approach towards winning her heart. Love making is all about sharing with immense interest on both sides. It has nothing to do with whether you own legal rights over something. But it is better done with personal consent as well. Also remember, just because your girl friend welcomed to to make love whole heartedly one day, doesn’t mean you can take it for granted the next day. Probably she was in a very good mood the other day, or probably she liked the way you danced, or probably she found that accidentally you had a bit more respect or love for her than usual the other day, that she actually let you conquer her. But don’t expect the same always.. unless u make sure you deserve it. Yes guys, you actually need to take a bit more effort for a long lasting benefit.

Myself and Ambi.. Both of us believed that one should get married with somebody who feels great being with you and the one who makes you feel great as well. The other day I had been to a restaurant with my family. There on the very next table I spotted a certain celebrity.. a famous singer of the Tamil film industry. He is truly handsome I must say. Think he is a Tamil Brahmin. Very famous.. Managing to sustain his market in the industry.. truly a real celebrity. But the tragic part was his family. This guy’s better half looked just the opposite.. Short, black, very stout.. Gosh!! While in my college days the news of this guy getting married made me n many of my friends fall sick for days with jealousy. All what we heard was that the lucky girl was from some very rich family. For this handsome guy what we visualized was something different. Well.. what do I say? People do claim that opposites attract.. But I never knew people could settle for extremely opposites. I really feel pity for this guy and his peculiar taste. If you don’t feel great about your better half, how could you manage to carry them along without an awkward feeling wherever you go? No wonder why many men prefer traveling alone or with their personal secretaries. One personally ought to be blamed for same. Either they don’t choose the right one or they are never satisfied. There are guys sheltered under mama’s wings till they get married. They lack so called “exposure” in matters related to “women”. They do not know what they are supposed to expect from a marriage.

Well, there is a famous Indian joke – It seems a certain lady walks into a lingerie shop for a purchase. The salesman gets her a 34 sized Bra. She thinks for a while and says “Can you get me a smaller one?”. The salesman smiles and gets her a 32. She again thinks for a while and says “Something a bit more smaller??” .. the salesman gets her a 30 this time but she still asks for a smaller one. This goes on until there is no smaller size left. Finally the salesman thinks for a while and gets her a “ No Marks” cream and says “Probably a cure for two little pimples is what you were looking for.. I think this should work!”. Well, there are guys who tend to settle down for women using “No Marks” and days after marriage once the ray of knowledge enlightens them, they start staring at his neighbor’s “assets”. There is no point paying the cook and eating out all the time cz the food is no good.. Hhmmm.. Whatever..

-Priya.

[ Note :- Dear readers, I would suggest you to read my previous blogs in sequence for Continuity]

THE WEDDING DAY

June 2004.. As the rains drenched maiden earth and as the smell of wet sands tickled my nostrils, i could hear the wedding bells ring.. I was clad in the traditional red robe.. There were five or six ladies around me..decorating me with golden ornaments..meanwhile not forgetting to update each other over issues like "the neighborhood girl eloped with some guy from another caste".. how the girl's father cursed her for betraying the entire community..about how much cash somebody offered to the family of some guy who was a doctor in the U.K. so that the guy would accept his daughter's hand... blah.. n blah.. n blah.. God knows how they manage to get such nonsense news.. All i was bothered at that moment was about the heavy load of the flowers i had to carry.. used for decorating my hair.. God...
After the whole "dressing up" part, i was waiting in the dressing room, waiting to be summoned by the priest. As i sat there, i recollected how happily i spent those three months between the engagement and the present day.. I still remember..how i spent hours over the phone..talking to Ambi.. knowing each other.. fighting for silly reasons at times.. The more i knew him, the more i fell for him..The thrill of our first kiss still lingers in my mind.. Ambi was humorous, caring, truthful, decent, and above all i valued him for the amount of respect he had for every other person..
Everybody, while awake 16 hours a day, has some tableau image in the corner of his mind.. One carries it along wherever one goes..just like how some carry a bottle of water or a hand kerchief.. and feels it while indulged in any activity.. Some image that gives him a moral boost.. It becomes a part of him.. For me, that image was all set by then.. there was someone to fill my emptiness.. It was Ambi.. Still it is.. The only difference that has occurred is that right now there is somebody flinging stones in the still waters of my mind.. and the image..its kinda rippled..
I was feeling totally complete in life.. until that day..that ill omened day of my life.. that Sunday in the month of May.. thats when Ambi confessed that he would not be able to take me along with him for another four or five years.. There was no mirror where i could reflect to see my expression at that damn moment.. First i thought it was some kind of a joke.. Then i realized he was serious.. I did not understand how to react.. I just wanted to escape.. Or hide my face somewhere.. Or badly wake up from this, if luckily it happened to be a dream.. But No!.. This is in real.. My cousins were waiting outside.. Calling out for me.. asking me to hurry up.. I followed them..to some theater.. We were there to watch some movie.. I think it was "Star Wars - Attack Of The Clones".. I could see vague scenes.. Some dark shadows and people dressed in black robes.. Aliens.. Fire.. Wars.. But there was a bigger war running in my mind.. I was numb.. Then suddenly i realized what actually had happened.. I just got up and walked out of the theater.. There was somebody following me.. think it was my cousin brother.. I was BROKE.....TOTALLY BROKE!!!!!
-PRIYA

COMMITTED !!!!

Ambi and I got engaged in a week. That was the day i first visited his home in Chennai.. His home where he spent his entire childhood was an old fashioned traditional construction and the air around the whole place announced the extend of narrow mindedness of its inmates. For the first time I felt i was gonna be rehabilitated in the wrong place. But i remembered what my mom had told me.. "Don't worry, you are not gonna stay here anyways.. Once the knots are tied you are gonna have your own way of life in an entirely different country with Ambi"..
Though the sermons had enough stuff to relieve oneself, i still wasn't convinced. For once, i felt i was standing against my conscience. I could sense that my outlook about life is never gonna match their's.. Not that i was one among those ultra-modern feminist women folks who never left their beds without a lipstick, but in that i preferred to take life in a practical sense, adapting to whatever novelty was demanded in each situation. Still!! For that green-card??? I swear..I cant believe i did that..!!! I decided to keep mum and go ahead with the commitment.
The principal reason why i had torn apart that brainy buddy's (Vishnurao Iyer) profile was b'cz he was born in a family where his ancestors were temple priests, who followed very strict religious norms in their family.
Here things were not strict but totally in the opposite extreme. Leave alone the usual "Brahmin" norms, they were not even behaving as normal human beings who expect a minimum privacy in their own homes. Ambi knows no tamil (Regional language of Iyers).. Their home was some kind of a lodge.. Anybody was welcome .. to open the fridge.. to enter the kitchen area.. to use the bedroom of one's choice, even your personal lap-top, even if you were the driver of the neighborhood.. Damn!!! One had to be conscious in one's own home.. Well i'll come to this topic later on!
As for now, i stood as a slaughter goat while Ambi carried on with booking me up as a life partner with a Solitaire Diamond Ring.. Alas! I was engaged.. I now had to scribble on top of wherever i had declared "Single" and overwrite "Committed" ..

BACK TO MY STORY

I've been drifting away from my story for sometime..Well , sorry for that! O. K , Where was I? Yeah ! About the guy whom my parents chose for me. The day had finally arrived when Ambi and his family were coming to our place for an official visit. In India it is called the "Ladki Dekhna". The guy and family are supposed to visit the girl's home and evaluate how the girl looks and whether the family seems financially sound.. Hmmm.. I kept repeating to my dad that i would rather run away with a beast than marry a cock with a broken crown. I was all set to revolt against the whole thing..
I was busy getting dressed, trying hard to drape me with that long piece of cloth called "Sari". Suddenly i could hear noises outside. All of them had arrived. I peeped through the window expecting to find some monkey faced fellow who was "white" than fair in complexion.. consuming all those laddus fried in ghee n loads of curd rice.. But contrary to what i expected, i found a handsome young man walking towards our door with a glow in his eyes and an innocent smile on his face that shone like a moon.. I was flat at the very first sight..i swear..his eyes..that still gives me the kick whenever i look at him even today..
We talked for about an hour in privacy..about his job, my studies and ambitions in life, about our family n all that.. But i couldn't take my eyes off his face.. He seemed to be a nice man and i nodded "Yes" to the first alliance that knocked the door of my life.. meanwhile, not forgetting to tear away the profile of another alliance..that of an equally eligible bachelor.. His name was some "Vishnurao Iyer".. who was then an upcoming civil servant..
Was that a beginning of a dream come true or that of an unannounced disaster? Lets see..

-Priya

Prayer and Serinity.

Today is Sunday..lazy lazy Sunday..Dozed away watching "The Scarlet Letter" last night..Some sensible movie which tries to analyze a dispute between what in fact is morally correct in the eyes of god..Lying on my bed..gazing at the blurred picture of lord Krishna hung on the wall,i was trying to plunge into a discussion with my inner self over what in fact is the essence of a prayer.I grew up listening to stories of king Akbar and Birbal (One of the nine jewels of Akbar's court comprising of learned men,poets and advisers). Once there was a dispute between the king and Birbal over whether faith of man was superior to the prayers offered by Sufis(messengers of god or priests). The king believed that prayers of mankind would reach god if and only if offered by the Sufis who were supposedly very close to the supreme entity. Birbal believed in the contrary. But he had no sufficient evidence to this. One day the king gets an invitation from a nearby kingdom to visit a sanctum which was well known for the miracles of a Sufi saint. The king, who was in preparation for a war decides to visit the place and offer his prayers for victory. After the visit, the king continues for the war and undoubtedly seizes victory. The king now confirms his faith in the powers of the messengers of the god. Birbal now interrupts the scene and invites Akbar to visit the sanctum again.. There Birbal exposes the fact that the sanctum was created artificially over the king's own robes and there were no Sufis. This proves to the king that it was the faith one has on oneself that leads him to victory.. Hmmmm.. Interesting ain't it?
So what in fact does prayer mean to me? They say, god resides in oneself. God is nothing but the power hidden in oneself and this can be awakened by concentrating on building a destiny which has a righteous outcome, formulating a path of truthfulness towards the destiny and building a confidence level or faith in achieving the same. When we pray, are we actually trying to build a conversation with an idol of stone or wood? I don't think so. All of us have a disturbed mind with millions of options about our goals and million other options defining the path to be taken towards them. Prayer is a brief period of time when we prioritize, analyze and finally decide on what is to be done and how. As far as I am concerned, I believe that the concrete structures named a temple, church or a mosque provide nothing more than a calm ambiance for a focused mind. Ultimately it is that subconscious inner mind of ours that masters our decisions..

So again, I ask myself, what is it that builds our inner mind or the subconscious self? Good question. Basic character of a person molds by the time he is five years old.. Why does this happen? Possibly because our inner mind is more open to the world than our logical part during this period of time and attempts to grasp the instinctive chemistry of life. Hence the solution is to attempt a command over our inner self.. And the initial step to the art of self mastering is self realization. This is where a prayer comes handy.

Many a people are in a habit of linking terms like “God”-“Prayer”-“Action”-“Fate”. Personally, I have dissected each one of them uniquely. I have already described “God” according to me in the first stanza and “Prayer” in the second. Now comes the third one – “Action”. Action has nothing to do with god. It is not an abstract image named god who is entirely bestowed with the responsibility to judge our actions. Every cause has an effect. I still wonder why people still pull in Newton’s law to prove this. It is simply an obvious fact. Whether the effect is welcomed as a good one or a bad one is entirely left to what we feel is right or wrong.. That again is abstract. Well..!!!!! You like something, u call it a good effect and hence the action that leads to the same, a good act indeed.. Nonsense..!!

Then finally I come to “Fate”. I describe fate as mere coincidence of circumstances with what we wish. You wish for something good and if circumstances coincide so as to favor the occurrence of your wishes, you call it “Good Fate”. And vice versa. Bullshit!!!!! Absolutely Bullshit!!! Ultimately the victim is “You”.. “Yourself”..

-Priya.